a dream I once had, tried writing it into a song before, but didn't quite work out.
I woke up in the morning, and everything seemed a little different. The colors were a little brighter, a little more distinct. The taste of the air was more present; not better or worse, but more real than it had been. What was different? What had changed? It was as if everything was shifted a barely perceptable degree, and I was no longer in the world that I had always known. This world was more solid, more real. As if this is where I should have always been. Everything around me looked the same, just a bit more so.
I got up to use the bathroom when I could first hear the voice.
It was ringing in my head, barely perceptible but pervasive. As if every part of my skull resonated, yet I couldn't make out the words. Not at first. The subliminal rising to the edges or awareness, as the echoes inside my head bounced around, reverberating against bone, growing in volume and clarity until I could just make out what it was saying.
"everything is alright"
"consume"
"obey"
"you will be taken care of"
"if you do your part"
"obey"
The words shook me to my core; I could feel myself wanting to take comfort in them. Wanting to be safe, and go with the flow, let life wash over me, become part of a collective good, to not not know where the power comes from, or where it goes. Be part of something greater, be part of the world. Join in, and be whole. Trust that those in charge know what's best for you. Know better than you. Join. Belong.
Like an incantation, I could feel the spell taking hold. I could feel myself ceasing to resist, and letting the tide take me. I wanted to join in let go of responsibility. I wanted to know that everything was going to be okay, and that I didn't have to worry. There is no justice, or injustice, there is only the way, as ordained by nature and guided by the hands that understood.
I made it to the bathroom, to splash water on my face, hoping to shake loose the siren song lulling me. I don't know if it helped or not, but when I lifted my head to the mirror, I could see something. Something I had never seen before, behind my eyes, lurking deep in the blackness of my pupils. I could see a worm.
The worm grinned at me, baring teeth across an eyeless face. it knew I could see, but was so confident in its power, that it had no fear of betrayal. I belonged to the worm, and was at the mercy of its whims. "Obey," it cooed, "belong"
But the spell was broken. I knew the words were not my own and I knew that they were chains to hold me. I knew the worm was not me, it was put there by those who benefit by my compliance. I was left there to question every thought, every motivation I had ever had, every decision I had made, every whim and desire. Was it me, or was it an influence of the worm?
"Obey," the worm sang, "Belong."
But I couldn't. Not anymore. "Never again," I said, speaking to the worm, and speaking to myself. "Never again."
"it doesn't matter," the worm said with a smarmy hiss, "I will always be here. You can't get rid of me. My words will ring in your head, every day, every night, as you dream. Every moment will be filled with my suggestions, and you will break. Your will is subsurvient to my own. I live in you and everyone you've ever met, everyone you've ever known. Every name you've heard is one belonging to me. Resist, if you will, if it makes you feel good, if it makes you feel in control. But you aren't. You never have been, and you never will be. You never can be. The world belongs to me"
I slumpled to the floor, my head in my hands. I wanted to say it was lying, that I could win. My will was strong, and I could break free and be myself, not just a puppet of the worm. I would have to struggle, constantly for the rest of my life.
All the worm had to do was wait.
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